I think back to those times in my life when certain things were presented to me – things I never expected, like being called to step up and serve our spiritual community in a deeper way.
And all I had to do was say yes.
And I did…
And the healing that I’ve gotten, the wisdom that’s come from it, the things that I’ve learned, could never have come into my life any other way.
So, what’s holding you back?
What’s in your life right now that’s calling you to step forward?
Can you stand there, unaware of what it might be, but feeling the pull, throwing everything aside, and just say, “Yes…”
I’ve sat quite a bit. I’ve prayed a lot. I’ve waited. And now, it feels as though the wind is beginning to take me.
And so, let me ask you: Can you do the same?
If you haven’t found your way yet, can you sit? Can you wait? Can you allow those seeds to germinate within yourself, so that when you do open up, the wind can carry them forward – so that they can take root, and serve the people?
Those of us who’ve been at it for a while know that feelings and buried memories can come back as we work through the processes of our emotional recovery.
And sometimes, we can experience them without even being aware of the context. So, they can show up as mystery emotions – mystery aches and pains.
But sitting with all of that really helps us learn what’s at the heart of it…
These gifts that we have, the ones we’ve been carrying with us since we were born, they often need hard times to crack them open.
They run on a deep amount of faith.
And it’s the kind of faith that can only be found when we’re pushed to the brink, when we feel like there’s nowhere else to go…like we’ve lost everything.
But afterwards, when we’ve finally come out of it, we find that the only thing we’ve really lost is everything that stands between us and moving forward…
When you’re in the middle of things, and you feel like you’re in a tunnel; you’re keeping your head down, and you’re moving forward the best you can, it’s often hard to be aware of moments of beauty when they come up.
But then, something’ll happen – a sunrise, a song, a smile on the face of a child…whatever it is – and it cracks you open. It reaches inside, and you can feel it…
My wife and I have been spending a lot of time lately with Elders and older friends; visiting, taking care of them, participating in ceremonies with them.
And one of the things that’s pretty obvious is that people are starting to get older – ourselves included. We’re starting to move a bit slower; starting to do a little bit less.
But things are getting deeper. Conversations are getting deeper. Ceremonies are getting sweeter. And the prayers are getting more honest…
There’s a certain sense of familiarity that comes with covering the same ground again and again. You learn how to read the terrain – how to navigate by familiar stars, even when you can’t see them.
It’s comfortable, even though it can be excruciatingly difficult.
But those of us who’ve learned to step off the path for a bit, to rest a while on softer ground, to feel comfortable for a moment under the light of unfamiliar stars,
I’m also reminded, in these things, of this path of emotional recovery – of how difficult it can often be.
And then, how some mornings, you can wake up, and you can feel that something’s changed.
You feel different.
You feel rested.
You feel strong.
You learn, as you go along, to really take comfort in these strong times — in these times where you feel healthy — because you know that there’s always more work to do. You know that you’re being prepared to go a little deeper, to walk a little further, to carry something that’s a little bit heavier…
Today is actually one of my favorite days of the year. It’s the day I get to plant my vegetables. I don’t grow from seeds because I don’t have the room, so, I’m going to make the rounds later and pick up some plants.
I’ll get those in the ground. I’ll get my berries into the raised beds that I set up. I’ll uncover the fig tree…
And I’ll have a hell of a good time doing it.
Does all this change the way things are in the world?
Absolutely not.
Does it change the way things are in me?
Hell, yeah.
There’s just something that feels really good about being out here getting my hands dirty.
And since I garden barefoot, getting my feet dirty, too…
A few years ago, I was talking with someone about intention. We were having a discussion about what it means to set sacred intention – or sacred intent – when you’re getting ready to do ceremony.
And so I picked up a pebble and I said to him, “What is this?”
And he said, “It’s a pebble.”
And I said, “No, it’s an altar. Say it.”
And he kind of shrugged, and said, “It’s an altar.”
And I said, “No, believe it. What is it?”
And he said, “It’s an altar.”
And then I said it, and then I put the pebble down on the ground
– the altar down on the ground –
and I said, “Now just sit.”
When we sat there for a few minutes, and I saw the look on his face, I could tell he was feeling it. The energy in the room completely shifted. We were totally grounded.
And then I picked it up again and I said, “This is a pebble. Say it.”
And he said, “This is a pebble.”
And I threw the pebble over my shoulder, and the energy of the room completely changed.
And he got it.
For that short period of time, we were bound together in a sacred space specifically created by our intention, by our belief that that space was sacred.
I am very grateful for everything that’s happened in my life, because it has brought me to those places. It has given me the gift of being able to sit with others without judgment.
And I can say, “Well, that’s the price I have to pay for this privilege.”
Or, I can say, “That’s part and parcel of the privilege. That was my school.”
You don’t get to pick one without the other.
It doesn’t mean you have to like every single aspect of it. It doesn’t mean you’d want to go back and repeat it again, because for love or money, I wouldn’t…
Bonja the Bodger 