So many of us have this idea that we need to go out and save the world. That we need to stop war; we need to stop killing; we need to stop hatred.  But honestly, if we just put an end to war, does anybody really believe that it wouldn’t start again? Does anybody believe that if we stopped all the killing, it wouldn’t start again?

I have a Mulberry tree in my back yard that’s one of the most tenacious plants I’ve ever had to deal with, and I respect its tenacity a lot; but unfortunately, it’s threatening a fence, so it’s gonna have to come down.   And I have clipped this thing; I have dug away at it; I have used the most environmentally-friendly chemicals on it that I could, and the thing is still there.  And the reason it’s still there is because I haven’t dug it out by the root yet.

And so, that’s the thing…

When we gather in our monthly circles and we hold ceremony, sometimes there’s a lot of deep, cathartic release.  And one of the things that we’ve learned in working this way – and from teachers who’ve shown us how to work this way – is that when someone is in the midst of something; when they’re in the midst of doing their deep work, if they’re crying, if they’re shaking, you don’t comfort them.  You don’t put your arm around them.  You don’t tell them they’ll be alright.  You sit quietly.  You hold space for them.  And you let them do their work. 

Because so often, we comfort others in their misery, in their sorrow, because we don’t like the way we feel in the presence of that.  And so, what we’re really doing is projecting our own pain onto them and trying to heal it vicariously; which is about one of the most selfish things that another human being can do…