In certain circles, people will talk about “doing the work.” And we throw that phrase around, and we make the assumption that everybody knows what we’re talking about, but the truth is not everybody does…If I had to define it, I’d say it’s actually got three parts to it, at least as far as I see it: listening, feeling, and reclaiming…
Category: Mental Health
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Some people will tell you that empathy’s a gift; that it’s a blessing – you were born with it, and that your job is to walk through this world feeling everybody’s pain and being a healer. Other people like Carl Jung will tell you that it’s a defense mechanism; that’s a skill you learned in order to survive the demands of a dysfunctional household, where knowing the right things to say – or the right things NOT to say – was a skill you picked up in order to avoid pain – maybe even emotional or physical abuse…
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Maybe it was ten years ago; maybe it was a little bit longer. I was starting to get the call to step away from the 9-5 world, and into all of this…
I have a teacher who’s fond of saying, “I have a gift, but the power is not mine,” and I make no claims to anything.
All I know is this: If you can find what it is you’re truly here to do, and walk that out into the world; let it shape you, and let it carry you, then that’s just not a gift for you…
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When faced with the suffering or ill health of another person in need of prayers or some more immediate form of support, the most caring among us will frequently – perhaps even reflexively – offer to hold space for that individual.
Our hearts might be in the right place, but sometimes our efforts fall short of our intentions, and after a quick prayer, or maybe a phone call or two, we step back and continue on with our lives. That’s fine, of course, if they’re only asking for minimal involvement on our part. But if they’re not, how do we know if we’re really up to the task?
Another way of viewing this is through the lens of “bearing witness”. Typically, this is understood as recognizing the person’s affliction. But how often are we actually willing to go beyond that simple act of recognition and to meet the person where they are, so that we might be able to provide them with the support they really need, instead of what we ourselves deem appropriate?
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Yesterday, we gathered for a ceremony in the back yard while most of the rest of the civilized world 9-5’ed. As is generally the case whenever we get together, our focus quickly turned to the state of the world.
Our conversations are usually free-form and heavily seasoned with laughter and wry observations. That’s not to say our ceremonies are unstructured or lack direction. The form is there, though largely marbled through the meat, instead of plastered over it like a cast. There’s a necessary sacredness in coming together with laughter, especially in a world which seems to base so much of its existence upon cruelty, greed, conflict, and fear.
Eventually, we got around to the topic of peace, and how we might bring a little more of it into the world. As a great deal of our work is based upon the Medicine Wheel – or at least the version presented to us in the teachings of Grandfather Joseph Rael (aka Beautiful Painted Arrow) – I attempted to approach the question from this perspective.
The path of the Wheel begins in the East, with the rising of the sun. From there it follows the sun through the sky as it passes into the South, West, and North.
Agriculturally speaking, the East is where the seed is planted.
In the South, the garden is tended. It’s a time of expectation and uncertainty. Will there be too much rain or too little? Will the temperatures run to extremes? Will there be enough food for us all come the harvest? Will we have to deal with insects, deer, or rabbits?
In the West, the questions fall away, and the results are gathered in. We fill the cupboards and begin the necessary preparations to take us through the winter.
In the North, the long, dark time of howling winds, warm fires, and taking stock of the past year’s endeavors, we sustain ourselves on whatever we’ve put aside. If we planted good and healthy crops during the spring, that’s what will feed us as the snow piles up and the windowpanes rattle. If, instead, we’ve planted weeds and thorns, then that will be the source of our nourishment for the winter.
Perhaps, then, the process of peace begins with asking what we’d like to feed ourselves and our loved ones with and simply planting it. We can’t transform the crops once they’re in the ground, but we can learn to pay attention to the seeds we’re sewing.
It’s a blessing to have these things in our lives: fruitful and light-hearted conversations with the Elders of our tribe, an afternoon to sit and write after a morning of errands, pruning the squash vines, and removing the surface rust from a jointer.
Maybe this is how we sew a little peace into our corner of the field…
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I spent the morning out in the yard pulling weeds. I’m a lackadaisical weeder at best, but they’d finally gotten to the point where I could no longer convince myself they were “helping the garden.”
After a few hours of that, I grabbed a quick lunch and sat on the front porch covered in dirt, drinking coffee and watching some honeybees working the Russian Sage.
The neighborhood was traffic, crows, and thunder.As I write this, there’s a slight breeze, a quickening rain, and a tornado warning for the next half-hour or so. But the cat is sleeping comfortably, and the air is full of birdsongs, so at least for now, it appears that we’re okay.
My intentions are to get back out there and cut the grass once everything blows through. That’ll probably take another hour or two, so I’m content to sit here typing away, listening to the rain and the rumble of the thunder.
When I was a kid, thunderstorms used to terrify me. I remember wrapping a pillow around my head so I wouldn’t be assaulted by the noise. Now, the fiercer they are, the more I love them. Apparently, there are some things in life we begin to make peace with as we get older… -
As you start to move deeper into your recovery, and the patterns you’ve known for years or even decades begin to fall away, you come to understand just how lonely this work can be. But that’s whole point of it.
Everything seems to turn a shade of gray. The places you used to go no longer interest you. Friends become distant or disappear altogether. Or maybe, you’re the one who disappears. You no longer try to hide your feelings behind an obligatory smile or a lifestyle that doesn’t quite fit the way it used to. When you do make an effort to be in their presence, most of the people you once considered an essential part of your life now seem little more than acquaintances. They no longer get you, and they tell you that you’ve changed; that you’re sullen and you’re not as much fun as you used to be.
If you’re feeling lonely, maybe it’s because you’re finally leaving behind the stories that have held you back. You can’t become healthy while remaining sick. You can’t change and expect things to stay the same. You can’t fully take care of yourself and spend the ever-dwindling minutes of your life pleasing others. And here’s the thing: Recovery isn’t about making other people happy. It’s about throwing yourself into the pursuit of your own healing as deeply as you can, regardless of the opinions of others, so that when you choose to step out into the world, you’re able to do so as a more complete, healthier, and far more honest version of yourself…
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In working through the often-arduous processes of my spiritual healing and emotional recovery, I’ve been blessed to have found myself in the presence of Elders who’ve taught me about the practice of putting our prayers on the wind. When we do this, we speak these things out loud so that, like seeds, they might take flight, land on fertile ground, sink deep roots, and potentially grow into something that feeds us all.
While I’ll never claim to speak for anyone else, my personal belief is that it’s necessary to discover whatever it is we’re here to do…and to do it. It’s not like toting it around in your pocket, pulling it out when you need it, and putting it back when you’re done. It’s saying yes to something that shapes our very lives; changes us into the vessel it needs to bring it out to the People…
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I’m at the point in my life where cashiers younger than I am call me “Sweetheart”. Thankfully, I’m also at another point in my life: the one where I can graciously accept it. For a while, I wasn’t sure about this whole getting older thing. It was all kind of weird, actually – sort of a second teenagerhood. I was too young to fraternize with the Elders, and too old to hang around with the young’uns.
But sixty-two has proven to be something of a magic number; almost a kind of sweet spot. My body certainly doesn’t lie; I’m sixty-two not twenty-two. And I occasionally have to rest between rounds of yardwork…especially when the heat index approaches anything north of ninety-five degrees. But instead of catching myself thinking, “Shit, I must be getting old,” as I often used to do, now I simply smile and think, “Well, it’s not like I have a deadline…“
Those of us with garages or sheds that double as workshops understand that free space is a privilege. Mine, for example, is packed to the rafters with odd-sized lengths of various kinds of wood, tubs of billets waiting to be turned into spoons, carving tools, a meager but appropriate assortment of power tools, a lawnmower, a couple semi-retired bikes, a rolling shop table, other bits of assorted stuff too numerous to mention, and a nearly ready-to-braid harvest of this year’s garlic. I’ve gotten used to walking – and working – in there through dedicated practice. It’s easy for things to pile up after a while. Still, with a bit of adjustment, I can find the room to put my feet up with a craft beer or a cup of coffee, look upon my work, and call it good.There’s a sacredness to the spaces in between things. They’re little doorways that allow the Medicine in. They give us time to rest and breathe, to harvest what was planted in the action, to take it in and let it nourish these bodies of ours which move, perhaps, just a little bit slower these days…
Bonja the Bodger 